" I am an open channel for life "

I was turning 42 that year and living in Seattle, USA. I already had two children, Hlynur, 12, born at Landspítali, and Inga Huld, 10, born at the old people's home in Hornafjörður. Both were good births, but with my Óli it was "THE YOGA BIRTH".

Having been a ballet dancer, I had been given the verdict "infertile" just after turning twenty. I was dancing in Munich and will never forget the German doctor who said: "Nein Frau Bjarnadóttir, leider keine Kinder". I have often wished I could find that doctor again and show up with my three Miracles.

Just before Ólafur Bjarni was conceived, I had a miscarriage. It was only a month before, and you are usually advised to wait longer before getting pregnant again. But this boy has always chosen his own path and his own time, and from the very beginning he was as determined as ever. "I'll come when I come"

I remember when I went for my first check-up in Seattle, I looked in the phone book and found a Birthcenter in the neighborhood. I was surprised how many young women were in the waiting room. Then, when the doctor started talking to me about abortion, I realized I was definitely not in the right place:

" Sorry we only do abortions" said the woman……. and I hurried out. And the place was called Birthcenter!

Then I found a better place and wonderful midwives at a birth center. And then the pregnancy took over. I have always suffered from very bad nausea in all my pregnancies, almost bedridden for 2 months. I had B vitamin injections at Landspítali, for example, and ate almost nothing. Nauseous around the clock but never able to throw up. If it comforts any woman, I would rather give birth to 10 babies than go through such a period of nausea again. It was a state of feeling unwell for 2 months, while birth is a task that takes a few hours and rarely more than a day. Once I got my health back, I never felt better. Such gratitude to get out of bed in the morning and be able to eat breakfast. It was Bliss! And then simply carrying a baby, nourishing and protecting a little human being, there's nothing like it.

I was a newly graduated yoga teacher and had just been offered teaching in Seattle when the nausea took over. So I had to decline that lovely offer. Almost bedridden for 2 months. But then I heard about a wonderful pregnancy yoga class and went whenever my health allowed. The teacher was both a yoga teacher and a nurse and had so much to share. She talked a lot about raspberry leaf tea, and of course that's where I learned the good ocean breath. There was lots of talking, a focus on natural birth and all kinds of advice. So both yoga and birth education in the classes. And I began to look forward to it. To look forward to a conscious birth, in my own strength. MY BIRTH, which I had a say in. And to be able to celebrate the birth!

And what a difference it made to receive birth education with a focus on natural birth. It changed everything. Above all, knowing that I have a say in my birth, and strengthening my trust in myself and that my body knows how to give birth. That birth is a natural process, even an adventure, and not an illness. And I had my breath as an anchor through it all.

I was so excited about all of it, and about having a natural and creative birth, that I invited the older children, 12 and 10, to be there. My 12-year-old son wasn't quite sure. So I showed them a video of a home birth, and my son said: "Yes, I'm up for jumping in the tub and catching the baby." In the end it was the dad who did that at the birth. They saw that birth can be breathtakingly beautiful. And exciting. And they said yes!

I had read in a good book: You are a channel for life. It felt so big, and it lifted the birth up as if above myself. If I felt fear creeping in, I told myself: "I am a channel for life." I am an open channel for life. And the fear passed. The mind is so powerful, and it's so important to find as much Yes as you possibly can in birth. Yes, okay.

Still, I felt almost a physical homesickness for Landspítali, for home in Iceland and for my mom. But my mom came all the way from Iceland, and was there for the birth, my husband's graduation concert, and celebrated her 70th birthday with us, all in the same week. It was so good to have my mom there, she massaged my back so well and looked after the children until everything started to happen. My cousin had come from Florida and was on the camera.

I gave birth at a wonderful birth center, where I could choose between beautiful birth rooms with a big tub, cozy like a lovely home. And wonderful midwives.

THE BIRTH:

On 26 April I was 42 weeks along. The midwives were completely relaxed. I was on my way to a yoga class at noon and was showing my cousin how the abdominal muscles worked with the bump, pumping my belly a few times. "Yes, and I've been massaging my nipples for 2 weeks in the shower and nothing happens." I barely touched my nipples and had a contraction. Tried again, another contraction. Huh, tried a third time, massaged a little, and my water broke. Not much, but enough that I felt it. As far as I knew, my water had never broken in my earlier births!

No yoga class! The first thing I did was close my eyes and breathe a calm ocean breath. Yes, this is happening. My birth, and I'm going to lead it. By that I mean trust my body, trust myself, my people, the midwives, the process and the circumstances. I don't remember if it was a minute or 15 minutes, but I remember how good it felt to pause and tune inwards: MY BIRTH.

My husband was home too, and everything got moving. He wanted to rush to the birth center, as Seattle is a big city. But I wanted to pick up the children from school first, and that was the right decision. Good thing we had a 7-seater car, the four of us plus my mom and my cousin.

I went inward straight away and breathed the ocean breath through the 4 hours the birth took, from the sofa at home until he was born. If I got a back massage I was fine, total pain relief. Then it was lovely to get into the tub. Water is so wonderful, it softens the body and makes every movement easier.

I felt my people around me, but the inner focus was everything. There I felt so strongly how important it was to bring my attention into the breath, to stay present all the way to the end of the exhale, because that is where the relaxation is. Where there is relaxation, there is opening. That is the most important place to be 100% present in the body, opening the channel with the breath, especially at the peak of the contraction / the wave. No fight, no flight. I don't run from it, I relax into it. No resistance. I open the channel! I am a channel for life.

BREATHE RELAX TRUST AND OPEN

If the midwife felt I was tensing up, she said LET IT BE……. oh how good it was to hear that. And she had me walk around a little more than I felt like. Gravity!

I gave birth in the tub. Right at the end my husband got into the tub and caught our son. As he slid from the amniotic fluid into the water and up onto my chest, I looked up and saw his 12-year-old big brother with tears in his eyes, welcoming his little brother. Such an amazing experience, all of us together welcoming this little wonder, this little miracle.

And as my dear teacher had said: "When a woman owns her birth she owns her life." Yes, this was my birth, truly, our birth.

This experience was so strong that I knew I had to share it with other women. And now it has been 20 years. When Óli Bjarni arrived he was like the sun, and I called him Óli Sól.

I am endlessly grateful to share, to guide and to be part of the pregnancies and births of thousands of women over the years. I truly see it as the flower of my life's work. Dear women. We give birth to Miracles with Miracles.

Thank you Óli Bjarni, thank you Life.